Saturday, October 27, 2012

Breaking the Rules

We know quite well how important it is in this household to follow the rules.  One of the most important rules is for all things to be done decently and in order.  Petey does not cope well with changes in his well ordered world.  We learned that lesson once again last night.

Before  relating the story from last night, it is important to know what the evening routine should be.  Petey goes to bed first, preferably about 9:00.  Earlier is better and later will be tolerated but not past 10:00.  Then he goes to bed alone.  Lori goes to bed second.  She is allowed to read until such time that John goes to bed.  That is that.  It works quite well so there is no reason at all for things to change.

Somehow the earth tilted on its axis or there was a wrinkle in the universe because last night John went to bed first, and went to sleep.  Petey hurriedly got in bed.  He was upset that he'd been beaten to bed.  What's worse was that John was in Petey's 'starting position.'  He moves to the center when Lori gets in the bed.  Petey's only option was to get in Lori's place.  This is when the trouble really started.

Lori seemed to think that she should get in the bed, in her spot.  Petey did not.  Petey repeatedly snapped and snarled at Lori every time she tried to get in the bed.  The fracas woke up John.  He tried to hold Petey still long enough for Lori to get in to the bed.  It took several attempts as Petey was snapping and snarling at John.  Petey was just plain mad about the situation.

Lori finally got in the bed and no one was bleeding.  Petey found a nice spot on John's back between his shoulder blades that needed to be licked.  So, Petey set out to licking that spot at a frantic pace.  When he was finally dissuaded from licking that spot, there was an equally good spot on Lori's back.

Finally, Petey was pushed completely under the cover at their feet so that they could get to sleep.  Apparently, this was far too hot for Petey.  He got out from under the cover and positioned himself between their heads panting like he'd been on the Sahara Desert.

Lori gave up and went to the couch.  John and Petey spent a restful night in the bed.  This will NOT happen again, not on Petey's watch.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Couch

During John's single years he bought himself a lovely camel backed sofa.  It was a tone on tone white/ecru. It was quite lovely and suitable for a man living alone.  Knowing that he wouldn't be alone all of the time he purchased an extended cleaning plan, sort of like scotch guard kicked up a notch.  Be forewarned, those plans are only good when the business from whom it is purchased continues to actually be in business.

The couch was maintained and in quite good condition in spite of the cleaning folks no longer operating, until several months ago.  The couch was showing age just as all furniture does when it is used, but was still quite serviceable until Petey decided to make it his personal toilet. 

When Petey started peeing on the couch we tried everything we could think of several times and then tried a few more things.  We used the training pads; we used positive reinforcement when he peed outside; we scolded; we cajoled.  We used pet odor eliminator; we used febreeze; we used oust; we used all three!  We barricaded.  At one point the barriers were so elaborate we could hardly get to the couch.  I'm surprised engineering students didn't come study it.  Nothing, I say, nothing worked.  Petey still peed on the couch.

It didn't matter how much or how often we scrubbed and cleaned the couch, floor, and rug.  It smelled like pee in the living room.  We were embarrassed for people to come over.  There was always an underlying odor of urine.  Forget about laying on the couch to watch TV, at least not without a gas mask.

So last weekend we actually drug the couch outside and scrubbed it with ammonia and sprayed it with the hose.  God helped us by sending rain in the night to further saturate the couch.  After another 24 hours outside detoxing, we decided it was time to bring the couch back inside.

While the couch was outside we scrubbed down the living room, even getting to those pesky cobwebs in the corners.  When the couch was back inside in the living room, it was glorious.  The living room was all clean and shiny and the only scent was the lavender diffuser on the end table.  (Cue the harp music..laaa...)

That lasted overnight.  The next morning when we we walked in to the living room.  We were met with this:

 That isn't a left over water mark from the scrubbing.  It is Petey pee.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Petey and P90X

I (Lori) started doing the P90X workout & nutrition plan on October 1.  John and I discussed it.  Initially, he planned to do it also but changed his mind for some very good reasons.  He's always been the smart one.  Even though, John and I discussed it and agreed, we failed to mention this to Petey.  When will we learn?

Petey does not like the P90X workout at all.  He could care less about the nutrition plan, but he cannot stand for me to be jumping around in the living room.  I've tried sneaking in there while he's asleep in another room but I always get busted.  For some unknown reason it is not allowed for him to be in another room while I work out.  It must be against the Petey code. 

For some of the routines, I must lay in the floor.  This is a real affront to Petey.  Every time I get in the floor he comes over and licks my face frantically.  I don't think I am displaying signs of unconsciousness or any distress that might require constant face licking.  Until today, I thought that he liked the salty taste from the sweat perspiration glistening.

Today, when I refused to stop after the frantic licking, he flung himself down on his brown pillow in the living room.  He made sure that his back was to me.  Periodically, he would sigh and look over his shoulder to see if I knew he was shunning me.

As the day went along he finally forgave me.  The problem is, there is another workout tomorrow.