Breaking the Rules

We know quite well how important it is in this household to follow the rules.  One of the most important rules is for all things to be done decently and in order.  Petey does not cope well with changes in his well ordered world.  We learned that lesson once again last night.

Before  relating the story from last night, it is important to know what the evening routine should be.  Petey goes to bed first, preferably about 9:00.  Earlier is better and later will be tolerated but not past 10:00.  Then he goes to bed alone.  Lori goes to bed second.  She is allowed to read until such time that John goes to bed.  That is that.  It works quite well so there is no reason at all for things to change.

Somehow the earth tilted on its axis or there was a wrinkle in the universe because last night John went to bed first, and went to sleep.  Petey hurriedly got in bed.  He was upset that he'd been beaten to bed.  What's worse was that John was in Petey's 'starting position.'  He moves to the center when Lori gets in the bed.  Petey's only option was to get in Lori's place.  This is when the trouble really started.

Lori seemed to think that she should get in the bed, in her spot.  Petey did not.  Petey repeatedly snapped and snarled at Lori every time she tried to get in the bed.  The fracas woke up John.  He tried to hold Petey still long enough for Lori to get in to the bed.  It took several attempts as Petey was snapping and snarling at John.  Petey was just plain mad about the situation.

Lori finally got in the bed and no one was bleeding.  Petey found a nice spot on John's back between his shoulder blades that needed to be licked.  So, Petey set out to licking that spot at a frantic pace.  When he was finally dissuaded from licking that spot, there was an equally good spot on Lori's back.

Finally, Petey was pushed completely under the cover at their feet so that they could get to sleep.  Apparently, this was far too hot for Petey.  He got out from under the cover and positioned himself between their heads panting like he'd been on the Sahara Desert.

Lori gave up and went to the couch.  John and Petey spent a restful night in the bed.  This will NOT happen again, not on Petey's watch.

The Couch

During John's single years he bought himself a lovely camel backed sofa.  It was a tone on tone white/ecru. It was quite lovely and suitable for a man living alone.  Knowing that he wouldn't be alone all of the time he purchased an extended cleaning plan, sort of like scotch guard kicked up a notch.  Be forewarned, those plans are only good when the business from whom it is purchased continues to actually be in business.

The couch was maintained and in quite good condition in spite of the cleaning folks no longer operating, until several months ago.  The couch was showing age just as all furniture does when it is used, but was still quite serviceable until Petey decided to make it his personal toilet. 

When Petey started peeing on the couch we tried everything we could think of several times and then tried a few more things.  We used the training pads; we used positive reinforcement when he peed outside; we scolded; we cajoled.  We used pet odor eliminator; we used febreeze; we used oust; we used all three!  We barricaded.  At one point the barriers were so elaborate we could hardly get to the couch.  I'm surprised engineering students didn't come study it.  Nothing, I say, nothing worked.  Petey still peed on the couch.

It didn't matter how much or how often we scrubbed and cleaned the couch, floor, and rug.  It smelled like pee in the living room.  We were embarrassed for people to come over.  There was always an underlying odor of urine.  Forget about laying on the couch to watch TV, at least not without a gas mask.

So last weekend we actually drug the couch outside and scrubbed it with ammonia and sprayed it with the hose.  God helped us by sending rain in the night to further saturate the couch.  After another 24 hours outside detoxing, we decided it was time to bring the couch back inside.

While the couch was outside we scrubbed down the living room, even getting to those pesky cobwebs in the corners.  When the couch was back inside in the living room, it was glorious.  The living room was all clean and shiny and the only scent was the lavender diffuser on the end table.  (Cue the harp music..laaa...)

That lasted overnight.  The next morning when we we walked in to the living room.  We were met with this:

 That isn't a left over water mark from the scrubbing.  It is Petey pee.

Petey and P90X

I (Lori) started doing the P90X workout & nutrition plan on October 1.  John and I discussed it.  Initially, he planned to do it also but changed his mind for some very good reasons.  He's always been the smart one.  Even though, John and I discussed it and agreed, we failed to mention this to Petey.  When will we learn?

Petey does not like the P90X workout at all.  He could care less about the nutrition plan, but he cannot stand for me to be jumping around in the living room.  I've tried sneaking in there while he's asleep in another room but I always get busted.  For some unknown reason it is not allowed for him to be in another room while I work out.  It must be against the Petey code. 

For some of the routines, I must lay in the floor.  This is a real affront to Petey.  Every time I get in the floor he comes over and licks my face frantically.  I don't think I am displaying signs of unconsciousness or any distress that might require constant face licking.  Until today, I thought that he liked the salty taste from the sweat perspiration glistening.

Today, when I refused to stop after the frantic licking, he flung himself down on his brown pillow in the living room.  He made sure that his back was to me.  Periodically, he would sigh and look over his shoulder to see if I knew he was shunning me.

As the day went along he finally forgave me.  The problem is, there is another workout tomorrow.

Beware of Vicious (cough, hack, wheeze, gag) Dog

Even though Petey is almost 16 human years old and has quite the grey head, he can still muster a vicious bark.  The kind that communicates that he'll rip your head off right here, right now.  It has always been amusing to me because he's so small.  The victims of this ferocity are much larger than him and could just punt him away.  So far none have.  Most are amused and go on about their business.  This was demonstrated most recently last week.

Our neighbor whose driveway is next to ours is out of town.  A woman that Petey never has liked came by to feed the cat.  (That may be why Petey doesn't like her.) Petey began his most vicious rant against her.  I (Lori) was in the house and John was outside.  Initially, I didn't do anything because I knew John would have the situation in hand.

The barking continued and seemed to get worse, so I decided to investigate.  When I went out on the back porch.  I saw John in our driveway with an amused look on his face.  This woman in the neighbor's driveway going about her business and Petey in our driveway giving the woman a good barking. Just about that time, Petey got strangled.

He turned around with his back to the woman.  He began to cough, hack, wheeze and gag worthy of a 911 call.  This went on for several seconds if not a minute or more.  BUT, as soon as Petey had cleared the pipes, he once again turned around and resumed his verbal assault of the woman.

The three humans had a big laugh and Petey was a little bewildered as to the humor. The woman actually offered Petey a treat after all of that.  Of course he snubbed her and the treat.  Who does she think she is being nice to him after all of that!

 I sorely wished that I had videoed the encounter.  I'm sure it would have gone viral on you-tube. 

10 Fleas!

Something has happened in our neighborhood to make the flea population grow exponentially of late.  Poor Petey.  Every time he comes in the house he must be de-flead immediately.  Yesterday, after one outing, I pulled off 6.  Later, after another trip outdoors, John pulled of 4.  That is a total of 10 fleas in one day.

We talked to the vet about it and were told that even the best flea treatments can take a couple of hours to kill a flea.  Petey can't take that.  He'd scratch himself into oblivion if he had to endure two hours of torture before a flea died.

He's enduring the humiliation a little better.  I think as smart as he is, he's figured out that he feels better once the inspections are complete.  He doesn't like them very much at all, but he'll stay still long enough for a good once over.  BUT, not twice.  We have to be quick and thorough!

I'm not one to long for the cold, but for Petey's sake I am looking forward to that first hard freeze.

Beddie-bye for Petey-pie

Yesterday we attending a wedding that was over 2 hours away.  We were gone from the house from about 3:00 in the afternoon until after 10:00.  This is a very bad infraction of the Petey rules.  No one should be gone from the house that long.  Both people being gone is even worse.  Then we were gone waaaaaay past bedtime.  That is the perfect trifecta for Petey's ire.

On the way home we discussed just how much trouble we were in and what if anything could be done about it.  We wondered if we would be met at the back door, or if Petey had put himself to bed without us.  It really didn't matter since, either way we were in deep trouble.

We were met at the door, a little to our surprise since it was after 10:00.  Petey zipped outside to take care of business with the expectation that the three of us would go straight to bed.  He didn't dilly-dally outside.  He was out and back in quickly so as not to waste precious sleep time.  Little did he know that we had been listening to the Alabama game on the radio all the way home and that there were still a couple of minutes left in the game.

We rushed in to turn the TV on and actually watch the last few moments of the pounding the Tide was giving Michigan.  This was quite upsetting to Petey.  He spend the next few minutes as the game ended huffing and puffing at us as he walked down the hall to the bedroom and back.  He flung himself around the living room floor  to demonstrate that we should be laying down not sitting down.

As soon as the game was over, I (Lori) had mercy on the poor dog and went to bed.  John likes to watch the interviews and recaps at the end of the game and he would be several minutes getting to bed.  I thought if one of us went to bed that would be fine and Petey would settle down.  Oh no! 

Petey got in the bed alright, but that was all.  He was not settling down to sleep at all.  He started under the covers, but had to get on the pillows, then he had a very bad itch.  After that he decided the foot of the bed was more appealing and then back under the covers.  The itchies struck again and he had to be uncovered to take care of than.  On and on, round and round we went, much like a toddler delaying nap time.

I was a little tired from a long day and wanted to go to sleep.  I told him so and that if he didn't settle down he'd have to get up.  He got up.  I think he thought he was punishing me by not sleeping with. me.  He could have been going for John, but it didn't matter to me. I was glad.  I could finally get some sleep.

Last Night

Petey managed to stay in the bed without falling out last night.  He and I (Lori) went to bed first like we virtually always do.  He likes to get way down under the cover at about my midsection.  He was on his side with his paws facing me and apparently had a bad case of RLS.  I couldn't take the constant pitter-patter of little paws on my back.  I decided my best course of action was to move to the other side of the bed and work it out with John later.

I got up, walked around the bed, and got back in on the other side.  That way Petey's back would be next to me.  I could even snuggle against it because he has soft fur.  That worked for about 2 seconds.  I didn't time it, so I can't be sure.  As soon as I got settled, Petey flipped over so that those pointy paws were jabbing me repeatedly every few seconds.

I thought about getting back up and going back to my rightful side but then realized that I was a human and Petey was a dog.  He should be the one adjusting not me.  Just about the time I had that thought, he decided to move. He moved so that his head was on the pillow and out from under the cover but his body was still covered like people do. I had to laugh.  He doesn't know he's a dog.